


MFA's Mumbles

by cryforwhat, MFA101



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: 中文-普通话 國語
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-11 15:29:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 8,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20548439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryforwhat/pseuds/cryforwhat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MFA101/pseuds/MFA101
Summary: Yeah, this one is written in Japanese, because I can. It's actually the first draft of Nutcracker Reylo's first time, from Ben's POV.The reason I don't write certain things in my first language is because, this is so 恥ずかしい！





	1. 讲个故事

20190930

讲个故事，很久以前我一个姐妹拿了两个工作机会。  
  
一个是去舅舅开的技校读书，毕业后留校当老师或者靠妈妈去考个公务员。  
  
一个是辍学去给黑帮大佬打工，打工的意思是当二五仔干架打人，没有工资，还有被zf一窝端的风险。  
  
然后，情理之中，他选了第一个，看起来没毛病，结果他读没多久就辍学了。  
  
我问为啥，他说，因为特别无聊。  
  
那是个什么技校呢，每天大部分时间，不是在打坐冥想搞特异功能，就是在读没人懂的旧书玩形而上学。  
  
所以他突然醒了，这种日子啥盼头都没有，而且舅舅盯得紧啊，都成年了晚上睡觉还要抽查宿舍简直莫名其妙。  
  
也就是说，可能到了30岁，他可能还呆在山上过着苦行僧一样的日子。  
  
然后他就飞速辍学了，走之前还打伤夜袭的舅舅放了一把火把学校烧了。然后他就去给黑帮大佬打工了。  
  
是挺忙的，忙着砍人掐人审问人质放炸弹；是挺累的，跟同事相处不和睦，老板又喜怒无常爱电人。  
  
要不是因为看在外公骨灰的面子上，他真的想端了这个黑帮团伙。跟同事们一起吃饭，吃着吃着就想掀桌子砸人。下属还在他背后指指点点讨厌死了。  
  
但看起来精神气比在技校的日子好多了，他说，有强烈的快要窒息的感觉——可能是因为防毒面具戴太长时间了。  
  
然后过了一段时间，多出了外勤，提高了业务能力，还遇上了掌握重要情报的美丽沙漠姑娘，眼看拐回家就可以升职加薪迎娶白贫美走上人生巅峰了。  
  
结果那姑娘一气之下把他毁了容跑去投靠他舅舅，他发现那个姑娘还给自己的老爸打过工，死鬼老爸还把祖传的飞船和宠物都给她了。  
  
但是他对这姑娘念念不忘，千里迢迢没关系，他们可以网聊啊。  
  
谈着谈着居然真的有感情了，但是舅舅突然掐网线，于是姑娘就把自己快递上门了。  
  
但是黑帮老大对姑娘生了歹念，于是他就一刀把老台球砍成两截了，自己当老大了。  
  
然后姑娘又跑了去投奔他妈妈。他现在每日以泪洗脸【。  
  
我觉得这个朋友有句话说得很好，网恋奔现车祸现场。

  
  
不要脸地改梗#Reylo##星球大战# #星球大战有热度不能不蹭#

  
太久没写字了感觉我文字表达能力退步了。


	2. レイの体内に俺の指がはいった。

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this one is written in Japanese, because I can. It's actually the first draft of Nutcracker Reylo's first time, from Ben's POV.  
The reason I don't write certain things in my first language is because, this is so 恥ずかしい！

20200308

レイの体内に俺の指がはいった。

俺の妹の膣に俺の指がはいって。

俺の指を強く搾りあげて…

「レイちゃん…よくガマンしたな、もう俺の指はいったぞ…」

「うん…うん…うん！痛ぁぁい！お兄ちゃん…」

「あ、ごめん悪ィ。」

「つい夢中に…」

「レイちゃん…お前覚えてるか？初めて、一緒に寝たよなこーやってき。」

「よく覚えてない…よ。」

「部屋寒くてさぁコタツもなくって結局おまだっこしてんのが一番あったかくって…そっか、お前もっと小さい時だもんな。おいしょ、あんなにちっちゃかった。お前にもコレ…」

「がついてるんだなぁ。ついていない方がよかったの？」

「レイちゃん…あのさ、触ってくれよコレ。」

「お兄ちゃんのおちんちん？」

「うっ」

「わあ！動いてる！わあ…変なのぉ。あは…」

「レイちゃん。」

「んっん？お兄ちゃん。気持ちいいの？」

「えっうん。」

「…きどかさんはここに…お兄ちゃんのコレいれるん…」

「レイちゃん！」

「ん…と…きだ…レイにはいんないかなあ？」

「はい。」

「えい…うん…あ…あえ？」

俺の妹の小さいな手が俺のチンポを握ったりして…俺の知らない場所に女だけの穴があいていて、そこに兄貴の俺を欲しかって、未完成の体なのにヌルヌルの光る体液を分泌し続けていて…こんなちいさな妹の…初めての男に俺がーー

「レ…レイちゃん…」

「あ！いや！あ…あぐ…痛い…いぅ…いうつうつん。」

「ごめごめんレイちゃん。も…ちょっとだけ深くに…もう少し…だけ…」

「あ！いたぁぁい。」

俺は興奮した。内臓を割るようなかたい膣の初めての感触に…俺を膣外へ押し出そうとするレイちゃんの体へそれでも無理矢理侵入を続けるその行為に…俺は兄を忘れてーー

「なんだよ…これしか。」

「あ…や…あぅ…」

「くそ。はっ…」

さっきまでに考えていたことないて、全部ふっ飛んで。

動きたいだけ動いていた。

「レイちゃん、ちょっとうしろ…」

「やう…あ！あやっは…うあうつ。あは…」

「お前もオンナなんだな。ココがイイなんて。」

「あ…」

「これなら…なんとか。最期までっ…」

「おにい…ちゃ…あ。」

「レイちゃん。」

「レイもお腹いたい。」

俺を拒絶しまいと耐えているレイちゃんに気づき。

「苦しっお…おにい…ちゃあ…」

俺はただの男からやっと兄を思い出して、妹の膣に吐きだした。


	3. Fake Poetry

20190908

_Prejudice_  
Even tucked in a garbage bag  
Nobody thinks the bin is clean

_Persuasion_  
I am ice  
You are time

_Evening Primrose_  
Honestly  
I am also rather fragrant during the day  
but you have been busy working and doing other things

_Empathy_  
The zippers think that  
All the wounds in the world  
Will heal

_Love and be loved_  
Eyes cannot see the contact lenses  
but the lenses make the eyes  
See everything

_Family_  
Sometimes the teeth bite the tongue  
Occasionally the lashes will stab into the eyeball  
There's a possibility that we hurt each other  
But we cannot live without each other

_Consolation_  
The tin tells the fish  
It is safe here  
There is no shark  
Nor fishnet

_Frustration_  
Like an umbrella that has been destroyed in a storm  
Some learn to buy a sturdier umbrella  
Some learn to stay at home when there's a storm

_Donuts_  
There might be a big hole in our life  
We can just look at the sweet part

_Anxiety_  
The lollipop has been stripped  
It is so nervous that it begins to sweat  
Worried that he doesn't like its taste

_Freedom_  
The fish in the tank  
Often look at us and think  
Poor human  
They are so dehydrated.

_Garlic_  
Like a mistress  
Many people like one  
Yet after having it  
They hurry to get rid of the taste and the evidence

_Grassroot Employees_  
We are the second hand  
But when people look at the clock  
They only look at the minute hand  
And the hour hand

_Teacup_  
We are all teacups  
After the passion  
We cool down  
And pour out  
Repeat  
We are full of passion again

_Hanger_  
Clothes hangers know fashion better than human  
They wear everything  
and look good in everything

_Exclusive Happiness_  
Drink a tin of cola  
That won't make you burp  
Just like pupils having a typhoon holiday  
But without the typhoon

_Closure_  
When you were young  
It was fun for you to touch the mimosa to see it shrink  
But you never really considered  
How long it took for it to reopen 

Translated from Cai Renwei's Fake Poetry  



	4. Fandom

20190909

My life is so fucking hard that

I have to make my OTP fuck harder.


	5. Apples

20190910

Papa heard that fresh apple juice was good for your health

So he got a juicer and a lot of apples 

In the beginning he juiced apple everyday

Then one day the juicer broke

So he sent it to repair

But when it was returned

He did not juice apples anymore

Poor apples

Slowly decade in the refrigerator

Until tonight

Another sleepless night

I took out the half-rotten apples

Cut away the rotten parts and compost them

Then eat the good parts 

Thank you

The apples say

For letting me rot in your stomach instead


	6. Dragon fruit

20190911

It takes a bud three weeks to blossom.

It takes a blossom four weeks to fruit.

It takes me a minute to eat a fruit.

The rest takes a month to decompose.


	7. Trauma

20190912

Flimsy flashbacks often fly by

at night, desperate to sleep

in the morning, working in the garden

Hatred

Betray

Fright

Goosebumps

Bitterness

Conflict

Coldness

Tears

Finding out that one person who you'd thought never had anything to do with it has done something made you coiling from disbelief.

But you know

you always know

everything happens for a reason.

you wonder if this is the way it will always be,

plagued by the loneliness and sadness that seems to close in whenever you are least expecting it.

You hope not

but you are hurt time after time

Sometimes you'd rather erase everything and start again.

You bury yourself in challenging projects just to get your mind out of the funk.

You lose yourself in gardening, zentangle, photography and knitting

You crave help, friendship, compassion, warmth, and human connection.

But you don't want to be the one to put forward the first step.

You feel like you'd never be free from the prison you built for yourself again.

By staying alive, you feel like you are punishing yourself day in and day out.

The trauma is sucking the life out of you.

You are never the same.

Scarred forever.


	8. Garlic skins

20190912

After a week's nagging from me

Papa brought home a huge sack of garlic skins

as huge as a meter cubic

because we need to replace the beddings of our chicken coops

we are raising 22 chickens and 10 pigeons at this point,

so the amount of their poop is staggering.

ah garlic

now the house if full of garlic odor

but I like it.

Beats bird droppings any time.

But I still need to take out the old straw bedding first

they are going to feed my dragon fruit garden

how nasty and tiresome that job will be

it means my body, my hair, my clothes will inevitably covered with shit,

especially when I know I won't be available tomorrow since it's Mid-Autumn Festival.

Oh, bugger.


	9. Dark Ballet

20190915

I could not sleep again last night

so I was binging on Youtube's grafting videos

and somehow it got me to... Madonna

the new song

Dark Ballet

immediately caught my attention

because it was first titled "Beautiful Game", at the 2018 Met Gala

I had no idea then

but when she sang ["I will not denounce the things that I have said/ I will not renounce my faith in my sweet Lord"](https://youtu.be/6Uagw4zser8?t=233)

she sang it over "Dance of the Reed Pipes" from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite

It's enough to make my skin crawl

especially as Blanco mouthes these same lines to the circle of Catholic figureheads before being burned at the stake

because I actually wrote that in the first chapter of my [Nutcracker](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17012973/chapters/39996243)

_Turns out those five dances stand for five different cultures. The chocolate dancer stands for the Spanish, the coffee one stands for the Arabian, the tea means the Chinese, the Trepak is of course Russian. As for the Marzipan, Ben tells her with a smile that there are many versions of this French dance - Mirlitons, Reed Flutes, and the Shepherdesses, and he rather enjoys this sweet version. And they both decide in the end that their favorite is the Sugar Plum Fairy._

Sometimes I really should not dig too deep into the internet.


	10. Cashless

20190925

I just panicked

because as I was reading something

I suddenly realized that I could not remember

what a 20-yuan note looked like

in fact

I haven't used CASH since I became a freelancer

and money has not been really an issue since I curbed my online shopaholic

that and the fact that I have been so busy working that I don't even have time to shop

I have no idea many of our notes look like now

we have truly entered a cashless society

even my mama uses her phone to pay for groceries

and she is still clicking on those ads thinking they are serious news bulletin


	11. Starfruit

20190929

⭐️ 

Star fruit

Yellow

Sweet

a bit rotten around the edge

perfect for an insomniac night snack

what the hell am I doing at 4:23 am

watching a Russian doll maker knitting little dresses 

facepalm so hard


	12. Again

20191001

I have no idea why I cannot sleep.

I mean, I don’t have many things to worry about.

The garden is fine, the chickens are fine. The pigeons are fine. Father is probably going to take care of their eggs tomorrow.

The infestation of rats has already been dealt with. 

The latest batch of dragon fruit can be harvested from tomorrow.

I can easily afford the winter garden project with the daily interest I have from my trust fund.

I will start the project in late November or early December - depending on how many new buds grow after my heavy compost.

I should be happy and carefree, right?

So why Can’t I fall asleep at 2:43!?

I am never really happy for long.

There is an inevitable sense of worrisome is gnawing the back of my brain.

Go write something go write something, it says.

But I know no one else cares about my writing.

Go draw something or make something.

It’s 2:48 for fuck's sake, let me sleep, brain.

I have got a big military parade to view tomorrow morning. I don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of that, that’s like only once every five or ten years.

I am not really someone who believes in god, the fact that I hate using the capital g is obvious.

Ironically, I grew up in a rather religious family.

I can recite a whole chapter of the old script from memory, in a foreign language that I am not even sure I master. But I just do.

Sometimes I wonder if my father is like some sort of orthodox father, and that is not even a joke.

My parents, they are just so pious, so devout, it’s scary sometimes.

They pray at least three times a day, an hour each. And they sure love the rituals with great details - the main reason I can write Nutcracker like that.

They visit the houses of fellow believers and host sermons every single day.

That is not even their job because they are both retirees and really do not gain anything from that - people’s respect and faith, maybe. Why do so many people cling onto my father’s teaching, I could never understand his charisma.

I never get along with those people, I am nervous whenever someone ring the doorbell or call the house, because we do have a lot of guests.

Why am I talking about this in the middle of the night? Because I think religions are bullshit. 

Am I this weird because I am in fact trapped in the inner guilt of not believing what my parents believe in?


	13. Chicken

20191001

I have 22 chickens

There is only one white hen that looks like this 🐓 🐔 

I call her Elizabeth.

The rest are yellow or orange.

When they were baby chicks, they looked like this 🐣 🐥 🐤 

I am surprised that I have enough default emojis for this.

My chickens are my best composter. They eat all the food scraps and turn every gardening waste into gold.

They also produce eggs 🥚 

Good chickens, nice chickens. They are the best animals a gardeners can have.

I know my mumbles have no literal value, so I don’t even make an effort to string my sentences together.


	14. 4454

4454

4454

445


	15. overwork

20191013

some human beings are so strange

even under pressure and over workload

some of them still manage to develop other hobbies to do

me, with three jobs

starts learning grafting plants out of the blue

and is working to make Halloween costumes for my reylo dolls

why am I pushing myself like that


	16. Grandpa

20191015

I was picking my 94-yo grandpa's ears yesterday

and I looked over his little but lush garden

it's a sunny spot with enough soil

and then I started to wonder if I could grow some dragon fruit cuttings there

I would be in charge of the watering and fertilizing

but then last night

I realized that I might not even be able to see them fruit the following year

because there is a slight chance that my grandpa won't even make it then

and I hate that possibility

my grandpa is currently the oldest person in our village

(yeah, they even gave a certificate or sorts for that thing)

it's been more than three years since I lost both grandmas

grandpa is losing his eyesight as the days go by

he underwent a cataracts surgery last year

but this year the issue emerged again

at the moment

he can't see clearly

he can't hear clearly

he can't walk properly

he can't articulate well

and I bet he can't sleep well but just doesn't say it

it's a nuisance if he wants to use the toilet

he spends his day sitting outside his gate nodding off to the loud radio

because that's the only entertainment he gets now

old age is scary

especially when your body feels like it's not your own, it's acting out of your volition

and I'm sad because I can't really do much to help


	17. Frost's Descent

20191024

It's our traditional Frost's Descent (18th solar term) today

which means

from tomorrow

I am going to renovate my dragon fruit garden, again!

Ah, so excited

I have already ordered all of the new equipment and most have arrived

(which I have to add, greatly satisfied my inner shopaholic because I kept buying stuff lol, ah, the fun of counting pennies and spending dollars)

I'm going to tackle all the old plants

taking care not to hurt those who are still fruiting at the moment, seven,

which is a great wonder because all my neighbors' dragon fruit stopped doing that by September while mine will go on to the middle of November

why, because we have our chickens and they provide supercharged fertilized soil

then i'm going to cut and trim the old plants and transplant them

and then I might try my hand grafting!

I estimate the whole project will take a week, before November comes because I'm probably going to take part in NaNoWriMo 2019, so don't give myself any more excuses

yet I can only work in the early morning because I hate the hot noon sun (it's still around 20-25 degrees here, we basically don't have a fall, we jump from summer to winter in December)

there are ten old gardening beds at the moment

I'm going to remove them one by one

tomorrow I'm going to move the one in the upper right corner

it is the most difficult one because the steel frame of my greenhouse is on top of it

so I might need to use my electric saw to cut certain parts like tubes and tin roof

anyway

happy gardening

done: <https://cryforwhat.tumblr.com/post/188743265462/my-dragon-fruit-garden-renovation-documentary-it>


	18. Chapter 18

20191031

I have finished renovating 90% of my dragon fruit garden, in seven days

and tomorrow I'm going to empty the chicken house

bring all the composted manure to the gardens to feed my dragon fruit and pumpkins

and then my papa and mama are going for a two-day trip to another city

while I am staying at home, spending more time with my chickens and pigeons

I know I am a hoarder, normal people keep pets, I keep birds, more than 20 of them, and I don't even pet them on a daily basis, I'm just that weird.

I somehow feel really anxious as November draws near

I might start my NaNoWriMo this year

but it still depends on my workload which is as unpredictable as the weather

and I also want to test the real quality of my writing

which means

even if I do write something and post it

I will keep it anonymous during November

only a couple of people know about my project which might not be stuck to because I have got many ideas at the same time

some of them are really dark, probably darker than Nutcracker which has basically turned into a crack


	19. Life update

20191112

My busy work has paid off and I got a big bonus,

so I treat myself with the latest iPhone 11 Pro Max with 512GB without blinking my eyes

and I add a little Millennium Falcon back sticker, isn't it nice?

Also I bought some more Hot Toys action figures and I am looking forward to expand my Star Wars collection, yay!

a year ago I wouldn't even dream about buying something like this, a $1,500 phone? four $300 dolls? crazy.

but again, a year ago I was a totally different person - unemployed, bullied, depressed and nearly off-ed myself.

In a way, therapeutic gardening saved my life. Also as it turned out, the thousands of hours I had spent on studying languages and linguistics was totally worth it.

and now I have three jobs, which require me to be working on three different computers and on the mobile a lot as they get ever more demanding, but in a very fulfilling way

I have been using the same iPhone 5s with only 8GB for five years

and it was super crappy and slow

imagining waiting for 30 seconds to open any app...

it was killing me inside

and now I feel alive again, being able to afford practically anything I want.... 

I shall start looking for new properties and lands for more gardens. 

If you are reading this and feeling life is being very hard on you

don’t give up yet

it gets better and better.


	20. New Gig

20191123

As ridiculous as it might seem

I sometimes do some *** stuff

yeah, I'm in *** marketing and that's why I don't want it to be associated with my fandom activity

whatever brings food to the table and toys to my bedroom

as long as I don't actually show my boobs (lol)

the photoshoot ends at 2:30 am

left me exhausted

but I saved a few photos of me wearing my ballet shrug, leg warmers and waist-trainer

I think the foot fetish is strong with this one, lol.

I always wear long sleeves in the photos to hide my ugly scars.

I kind of envision Rey in my Breylo series and Camgirl to do poses like these, so these photos might be used for future references.


	21. Thesis on Decolonization

20191126

I met the deadline.

Yeah!

I could barely open my eyes now.

It is so hard to conclude four schools' point of view on the theory of decolonization

and I feel like I have not done a good job because the article only focused on the west during the pre-WWI era

so I'm a bit guilt-ridden as we had a semi-feudal and semi-colonial period for so long.

Talk about being oppressed, sigh.

Anyway, work is work, any finished work is good work, way better than WIP.


	22. Men are like dolphins

I love men but I feel that men are like dolphins in that they should be enjoyed on holiday.

And they're very intelligent, almost as smart as people.

But that doesn't mean you should have one in the house.

Why would you have one, what a disaster that would be?

What do they even eat?

And a large number of them turn out to be sexual predators as well.

hashtag not all dolphins but many dolphins. 

(only those who have read my Alderaan know this joke)


	23. Grandpa is in hospital

20191201

He was sent to the hospital on Friday because he had acute gastroenteritis, all my uncles and aunts were in a flurry of anxious activities. They drew his blood and took some urine and fecal samples but they would not give a result back until Monday, as most of the doctors were on leave during the weekend. My mother and I have been in the hospital all day to take care of Grandpa who is in a semi-coma, connected to the IV drip, when he is awoken he complains about phantom itching all over his arm so I suspect there is some allergic reaction, so to keep him from scratching his skin break we use warm towel to soothe the itching. Since he can barely hear or see anything, we really cannot do much to keep him entertained as hospitals would not allow a loud radio or musical instrument like Erhu. He is going to have his 94th birthday this month and we would really want him to safely pass this year.  
I will update as I go, there isn’t much juice in my phone.


	24. Grandpa's watch

20191209

Grandpa lost his watch in the hospital, probably because he had to take it off during one of the medical examinations, and then he had to endure seven days of IV dripping, and he could not find it anywhere when he came back.

So I got him a new digital watch, with one big button, when you press it, it will automatically tell you the time in Mandarin, which is good, because grandpa can barely see anymore.

But there is one problem, this watch has a plastic band and a metal buckle, so you have to make sure it buckles up and threads through the ring.

The problem, grandpa cannot put it on by himself, at least not without a lot of practice.

And it really made me feel self-conscious after having witnessed how he struggled with it for five minutes because he always insists on doing everything himself.

I should have got one with an elastic band.

The same goes for my new chess set, it's a Connect 4 with extra huge pieces, but grandpa would not play with me.

The worst thing about gifting, is to see them receive it happily at first, and then it somehow upsets them even more. 

It's a 15 minutes walk from my home to my grandpa's. As I walked home last night, I was sobbing all the way, regretting many decisions I had made over the last year.


	25. 12.18

Tried to install a set of movable guardrails for my grandpa's bed today, the kind that they use in hospital, in the hopes that he would not fall to the floor in the middle of the night, and that when he gets up, he has something to support him. I feel like aging is like a de-aging process, he needs constant care, basically sleeps in a crib, cannot walk or talk steadily, and I am afraid diapers are in his future. On the bright side, he still insists on taking part in the local folk music group, playing the big drum, so he is also doing his own version of boy band, actually the band is full of middle aged and old aged people, I feel like half of my extended family is inside, my three uncles play instruments, my two aunts and even my mother are singers and assistant players there, I seriously doubt my father is going to join soon, and I can kind of see myself joining in when I am older, facepalm, my older cousin already asked me to join her waltz group!? I'm like, seriously? 

Also, I just got the movie tickets for Star Wars EP9 on December 18th, because our country has a lot of selected **Preview Screenings **\- I did not even know what that meant until I saw that is TWO days ahead of its premiere, so yay for now.


	26. What is my family reunion like

20200107

Grandpa is still going strong luckily, not so much his neighbor, a 92yo nana just passed away, so we sort of gather and sit shiva (7 days) as per tradition.  
And what is my family reunion like, basically just my grandpa criticizing everyone else’s musical instrument ( er hu, yang qin, drum) technique, whose fingering is not good enough etc - based on his weak hearing because he can barely see now.  
But I am glad at least we have the chance to listen to him.


	27. Quarantine Life

202002 I wrote this rather emotionally, so don't mind my grammar mistakes.

I haven't updated for a while, because I have been under government-advised quarantine. A week before the outbreaks got serious nationwide, I went to a Guangzhou hospital to have a laser surgery that I had scheduled long before I knew what would turn out to be the worst epidemic of our country - Novel Coronavirus (2019-nCoV).

China, in short, divided all citizens in to four categories:

A: those who have been in Wuhan (possibly infected) 

B: those who have been in contact with A during any kind of public transportation (because Wuhan is possibly China's biggest transport hub), without knowing each other

C: those who have been in contact with B

D: those who stay at home and never go out

I used public transportation like the rest of the millions of people in that mega city, and I even went to Guangzhou's busiest transport hub - Tianhe - for my return trip. And since later it was revealed that many areas in Guangzhou, especially those who had gone to hospitals had been infected, I might be a potential carrier (Category B) even though I did not show any symptoms, but my mom (Category C) coughed heavily during new year which worried us a lot. Also, if you checked out the previous mumbles, you would know that my 94-year-old grandpa had just been to the hospital (another possible Category B) - he was out of critical conditions now, thank god.

People outside of Wuhan began to be aware of the situation in early January, and it was rumored to be another kind of SARS (they both belong to corona virus) - which, is a collective disastrous memory deeply carved into the consciousness of Chinese people - because SARS caused so many deaths in Asia in 2003, and the after effects of the disease were horrible, and to this day, 16 years after SARS, many families in Beijing and Guangdong still have their hoarded facial masks and disinfectant (yeah, so is my own family), so naturally, everyone's first reaction was: shit was going to hit the fan!

Panic and paranoid were rampaging, there was disheartening news everyday we woke up. At that time, medical resources were rather limited, medical staff were working day and night, factories were working around the clock to produce disposable masks and necessary equipment, Wuhan had two new hospitals built within ten days, a major achievement that was witnessed live streaming, and many make-shift shelters were assembled through remodelling sports centers, but it was still not enough. Hospitals were under-staffed and over-capacity, even if you were confirmed, you might not get prompt treatment.

Thousands of people were confirmed or suspected affected every day, the death toll was rising. It was scary! Misinformed people rushed to drugstore or supermarket to stock up (even though the price of those things soared), only to cause more infected cases, remember, crowded areas with lots of strangers were a BAD IDEA.

So the government issued emergency warnings all over the country, stop all kind of gathering. Starting from Wuhan, many cities were locked down on January 23rd, two days before our Spring Festival. All entertainment facilities, restaurants, parks, cinemas, they were all closed, even buses stopped running. It might seem draconian, but it was necessary to stop the disease from spreading.

All provinces have to send teams of medical volunteers and supplies to support Wuhan, the epicenter, because we couldn't afford to lose so many people in so many places. 

Self-isolation is literally the only way to stop the situation from worsening at that point.

Along with my family, we were asked to stay at home and avoid contact with strangers, so throughout Spring Festival and Lantern Festival, the biggest holidays, we still cooped inside. My mother got better and is totally recovered now. The latent period is 14 days, so far none of our families show any other symptoms, but that doesn’t mean we are totally safe. Most people just have the immune system to beat it without even knowing it, but around 2% of the infected die.

The point of self-quarantine is to flush out those who have actually caught the virus, because within 14 days, the infected would start showing symptoms (coughing, having a fever, muscle soreness, feeling cold, and losing your palate and olfactory sensations), then you have to report to your community and get tested - for free, in fact, China treats all infected citizens for free, that way we could prevent people from hiding or lying about their symptoms, and thus spreading the disease further. We tried to save everyone, especially our senior citizens because the elderly were the most vulnerable, also if you have half a brain to do basic maths, you would know that if there was one infected old man, there were probably about 100 infected young people out there. Contain, cut the spread, test and cure, don’t be stupid and go out. Stay at home and you are saving everyone.

Also, while you are in self-quarantine, if the plumbing system in your house is connecting to upstairs/downstaris or your neighbors, remember to pour some water down the drainage every day (if you takes a shower everyday, then there's no need), because if the sewage pipe is empty and dry, air and virus might travel through it and spread, and that was how a whole building in Hong Kong was contaminated during SARS, another type of corona virus. 

We have five confirmed cases in our community, all of them (a couple, a mother-in-law and two children) traveling from Wuhan - they tried to hide their travel route, visited malls and registered under their relative's IDs so they could stay in a hotel anonymously, when found out, it caused an uproar of condemnation as hundreds of people had come into contact with them and were therefore under quarantine. Guangdong Province had over 1,300 confirmed cases (Guangzhou, its capital city, had over 300 confirmed cases), the second most affected area after Hubei Province (Wuhan, its capital city, had over 49,000 confirmed cases).

In a seriously infected area, if you go out without a mask, chances are you will be arrested. Communities have teams to buy food in groups to distribute them, but they could be very pricey and of poor quality.

Things you need to stock up at this point (if you really need to go to work because you are the bread winner):

medical masks  
disposable gloves  
disposable raincoat  
disinfectants  
UV light bulbs  
some common standing drugs(things to cure your stomach aches, help you digest, etc)  
fresh water or mineral water  
can food, biscuits  
green beans or soy beans (or any seeds for you to grow some microgreens, full of vitamins and nutrients)  
battery (solar panels)

(I really don't understand the fuss over toilet paper, no one does that here. Also we never talked about “herd immunity” either, because biology 101 - the virus mutates quickly, we all know that method wouldn’t work.)

Think of it as you are preparing for war, but without bullets.

If you don't have those medical supplies, avoid contact with strangers, don't go out at all, just stay at home with your healthy family members, it is the easiest but most effective way to prevent the spread.

We all hope this disaster will pass soon, but preparation and prevention is the key to prevail.

2/3 of the world population will probably have it in the worst case scenario, also I don't think Olympic 2020 is doable based on the way Japan is handling the Diamond Princess Cruise Ship and Tokyo Marathon. It's a recipe for disaster.

And there are all kinds of problems. Lack of resources, food is fortunately not a problem at the moment as we have rooftop gardens and raise chickens - we consumed half of our chickens and all our pigeons during food scarce - sorry but they are meant to be livestock, and I'm just glad that we still have electricity, water, and internet connection.

Sad news: one of our neighbors jumped off the roof the other day in the middle of the night, and we didn't know about it until two days later when my uncle called my mother.

This is really depressing. Facepalm.


	28. Fighting Covid the Chinese way:

202003 update

Currently all five confirmed cases have healed and are out of hospital. (There are some possible after-effects of this disease - infertility, though I'm not so sure.)

All provinces sent teams of medical volunteers and supplies to support Wuhan, Hebei. The situation was actually under control within 14 days (the so-called turning point).

And you know what, none of those medical volunteers got infected when they returned in March, this virus is really preventable if you take enough precaution. So we gain much more confidence now.

Some people had complained that if we locked down Wuhan earlier, then the situation would not become this worse, but to put things in perspective, in March all western countries are making the same mistakes we had, and they took actions much slower and sloppier, because they did not have the medical supplies and capacity that we have.

Nowadays, we can order grocery online and have it delivered to a neutral package storage place, so we don't even come into contact with the delivery guy.

It took tremendous efforts and money, but China has finally got the situation under control domestically now. I'm afraid the virus issues won't resolve soon globally and it's hard not to worry about it. Yet thanks to community efforts and information transparency here - there are some Korean Chinese who have come to our city to take refugee (sort of, because their medical resources are limited), but we are well informed about it and they are well quarantined, so most of us are no longer in a panic mode.

Cooping inside and having cabin fever is totally normal, the Chinese had done it and proved it to be effective, self-isolation and keeping civilians up-to-date is the best, easiest and cheapest way to prevent the disease from spreading, and now in most cities, people are start to get back to work (remotely as recommended, but some jobs have to be done, people have mouths to feed), but schools are still shutdown - most students are taking online courses and most importantly, children are our future. Though victims of Cov are mostly the fragile elderly, there are also cases of young children, even infants.

I don't want to go into details about how China banned AO3 on 2.29 and the fandom discourse over here, it is ugly and devastating.

At the moment, I'm just glad I still have a job that allows me to work remote (I still stay at home and I haven't gone out for two months now) and I have to focus on finishing my work project first. This disease is hurting global economy, I'm afraid it's a black swan, some of my contractors pulled out at the last minute and I had to hang on to the connections I still have. Our city is a major exporter, so it is taking the brunt. Also we need to take care of our grandfather. It's hard to be productive and creative fan-fiction-writing-wise when your livelihood is on the other line.

20200320 Update

Well, let me let out a sigh of relief first.

Domestically we are fine, China offers FREE treatment to ALL Chineses COVID patients. My mother and my grandfather are both okay now, and I start to get busy with work, and since my internet connection is not stable, so I might not be active on AO3 for a while.

As I am writing this email, our community has patrol cars blaring warnings in loudspeakers about the importance of keeping your health, and don't attempt to go out during Qingming to pay respect to your dead relatives as per our tomb-sweeping day tradition.

China is now probably the safest country to live in, our city hasn't had any case for several weeks, which means we are clear. Our delivery system is back online, most shops/markets are open, we have sufficient food and medical supplies now, schools are scheduled to open in April, things are getting back to normal, we should keep our spirits light, but not so with our actions, when we go out to any crowded place, we must wear masks and maintain social distancing, because overseas situations are still overwhelmingly alarming, we should fight this together as a community of life, so here is a link for foreigners who want to know how to fight Coronavirus the Chinese way, or to better prepare yourself during this trying time. Take it seriously, I mean it.

It's a written in English, with sources from experienced medical professionals:

<https://covid-19.chinadaily.com.cn/>


	29. Happy Gardening

20200324 

It feels so good as life goes back to normal, and I can start my spring gardening in time.

We cleared out the east chicken house (or as some may say, chicken run) today, we broke down the whole house, moved all the manure, food scrape, and garlic membrances out to feed my dragon fruit - I moved half of them down from the stairtop to the rooftop half a month ago, so now I have two gardens of dragon fruit, yay.

We finally settled the rat-infested problem, and well, now their rotten remains are feeding my garden as well.

The luffa/pumpkin plant seedlings do not seem to be growing well, that's a terrible concern, so we might need to get some new seedlings.

I planted potatoes in straws last year, but I didn't plant any this year because of rat problems, also due to the lockdown, I could not get anything delivered for a while, and now it's too late for potatoes, but we have some yam/sweet potatoes planted.

I have planted a lot of new seeds, like lettuce, sunflowers, and some wildflowers because I want to attract more bees when summer comes, now the gradens look too barrent, and also because of the quarantine in Jan-Feb, many bee farmers faced great difficulty in keeping their bees alive, now I want to do something to help them.

My new plants, like peppermint and a lot more wildflowers are on the way, the delivery system is back on line, so I can get them soon.

Also, father talked about getting a new kitty (to scare the rats away), what a pleasant surprise, I'm going to meet it soon.


	30. Life Update (older projects+cacti+swimming+guitar)

20200919

It's been a while and a lot of things happened, in case anyone is wondering what I've been up to recently.

So far we have harvested over 80 dragonfruit this summer, I estimate we will have over 100 by the end of the year.

I try to pick up my older translation projects (Queer as Folk and X-Men) and finish them within 2020, which amount to over 500k words in total, I post them under my general fandom account, not my Star Wars account.

My bubble tea phase ended, but I am still having a succulent/cacti phase where I gather/hoard hundreds of varieties and I'm still working on transplanting them, now I have difficulty displaying them as the typhoon season gets more and more unpredictable. The following picture is only 1/100 of my collection.

My mom's knees are having some serious trouble rendering her unable to walk, so I spend most of my daytime babysitting my 2yo nephew while his parents work (this used to be my mom's job), I can still do some work on the computer, I just can't focus on creative writing (no, I don't put the translation projects in the "creative writing" category because I roughly finished them a long time ago and I'm mostly just doing the touching up) with a 2yo constantly jumping and screaming next to me. Sometimes I want to cry as well.

I take the swimming and guitar lessons at night for my peace of mind.

I learned how to swim breaststroke in August and I am teaching myself how to front crawl. I'm probably going to write a swimming pool sex scene in Nutcracker, because I've watched so many English tutorials for the terms. 

But at this rate, it would be a wonder if I could update Nutcracker at all, I have done a lot of editing and adding a lot of small sentences and links, but I could not muster the will to push out a whole chapter (10k words at least by my standard) let's hope for Christmas, then, who knows.


End file.
